somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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