whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i need to put some appletini on your dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
