I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
