I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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