Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His nipple licking is glorious
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize