The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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