ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
