I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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