We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
