we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
BRING THE BAGELS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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