my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize