Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
