we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
3pm strippers are depressing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
