i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
