I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
