I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
