what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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