YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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