Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
