I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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