he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
