Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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