but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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