I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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