the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
