If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
