Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
why do cheetos always look like penises
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
