I want to have your abortion
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
