Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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