I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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