im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
