ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
