Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
