someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
