He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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