Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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