I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
