well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
