The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
