dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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