So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
