He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
