I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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