ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
