A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
only if we run a train.
done.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
