Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
