that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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