Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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