next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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