I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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