Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
