This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
