you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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