dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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