I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
