So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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