He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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