Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
