I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
