I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
