Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
