Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
