people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
