if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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