Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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