Moan for me like Helen Keller
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
