first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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