Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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