shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.