The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.