What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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