I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?