Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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