She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.