ADVERTISEMENT

• (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

  Fav 6 1593 889

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund

  Fav 12 1002 2323

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

  Fav 30 10882 1325

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

  Fav 9 4551 1264

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

  Fav 19 5914 1320

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.

  Fav 17 1424 3057

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (785): View more from Kansas

  Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?

  Fav 4 1775 1024

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.

  Fav 3 2039 1071

  share tweet
  

• (307): View more from Wyoming

  they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel

  Fav 7 1992 1141

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (585): View more from New York

  It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.

  Fav 4 1262 840

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.

  Fav 2 826 531

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.

  Fav 3 488 1153

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal

  Fav 3 550 346

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth

  Fav 0 397 193

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (705): View more from Ontario

  Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap

  Fav 3 118 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize