what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
