the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
