We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize