I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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