I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
