Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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