i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
