How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
